Satire
I Hate Philosophy!
Philosophy is inherently useless. It is only accessible and enjoyed by individuals with their old-money parents.
Why does someone who read philosophy book look like they’re think superior? They will preach to you with the most inhumane language, an alien option of words. They do not care how much you know about what they’re saying. They are narcissists who claimed ‘Why is Apple fruit red?’ is an intellectual discursus. Yeah, sure let’s reasoning Apple is red for straight 3 hours.
As a bachelor of philosophy, I hope I don’t need to use decent or so-called elegant language to say my grudge. But, philosophy is dying and we don’t have to give our hands to save them. Let’s give philosophy a fentanyl, so we are eventually able to attend to their burial process.
Reading Hegel is hard and what is so cool about understanding something that can’t be understood? As if it a mandatory to swallow their vomit into my digestion. This is stupid, I said. No, you're just stupid as a jellyfish with their non-existing brain, they said with rage dominating their face.
Philosophy is like a Gingerbread Android version on a 2 GB RAM mobile phone that someone uses to play Minecraft. It is like stepping into a doorless labyrinth. You probably will feel good after reading a review of some Stoicism book or demotivating divine wording by Nietzsche. But, life has so many disturbing surprises and philosophy is not a solution, only an ad of distraction for the sake’s justification of what you're so insecure about (your weakness).
If you happen to be young, maybe someone in their teens or mid twenty, stop it. I beg you. Philosophy is not for young people who just starting life. As my lecturer once told me, philosophy is not for someone who still asks ‘What to eat for dinner?’. And that’s why it’s a privilege to read Plato or Schopenhauer as your summer reading.
By the way, I happened to read Schopenhauer’s most profound work “The World as Will and Representation” (only two chapters in each volume) about a month ago, and oh boy, his thesis was full of duality. The funny thing is that Schopenhauer by the end of his closure even admitted his word was full of duality. But, then he defends his duality doesn’t necessarily mean confusion other than the true example of the real philosophy. Like, philosophy is duality and a grey area. So, if some readers feel the duality of his work and that philosophy. Wow.
And, this is why philosophy is such a trainwreck. They refused conclusion. It’s just a battle of the most unique terminology of their work. A game to make the audience confused.
And do you know most of the so-called great philosophers came from wealthy families? Or perhaps power from their grandfather or aunt. Schopenhauer himself inhered his father's money who had been one of the wealthiest businessmen in Danzig. Søren Kierkegaard came from succesful father who own hosiery business. And Plato (of course), both of their mom and dad were descendants of a well-connected Athenian government.
Oh, how I wish I knew sooner.
It’s not only you probably fail to see reality, but you will only live in some utopian world that philosophers dream about. A beautiful imagination, refusing to wake up because of how frightening is to see reality.
Do you want to be critical? Analytical? Systematical? Not fooled by a clickbait hoax? Great, just learn how to think, how your brain works, and realize that it is a skill to be practiced so you are able to conquer the problem. Anyone can do that without the urge to read philosophy books. You will need a philosophy book later in your 40s, sitting by the lake house you bought by being a software engineer. Then, write your memoir about the struggle of a past life while adding a little bit of Stoicism and Aristotle, and boom a million bitcoin deals on BookTok.
If some universities or academicians still want to keep philosophy major classes full, give them a privilege, access, a sanctuary. Perhaps a freelance job and how to earn a little money, you know real performance work. Do you know how inaccessible is philosophy book? I mean legally and for Indonesians myself. We can understand no, yes, worth it, cool, depression in English, but not Kant’s Pure Reason. I believe they have the power and connection to do that. Don’t try to boost the sales department of philosophy major to find numbers of students. Then, just left behind students whom I believe get CONFUSE. It’s not that students' futures belong to their university, but they must have a pragmatic background to put in their fresh-grad curriculum vitae. And that’s why you shouldn't choose philosophy in the first place.
In this recent time period, we have to swallow the ugliest truth about life, that we have a new kind of…way of life. There’s no grey area, only black or white, pro or con, choose…or you die. And that’s why philosophy has died.
